There'd Be Rum
by meowbooks
Summary: I thought not. If it were a dream, there'd be rum. What about Monkey Jack and Jack and rum?


**Disclaimer: **The idea and situation are mine. The characters are not. The title should give you an idea of what's going on. ICRepresentative inspired the title. Thanks, mate!

**There'd Be Rum**

It was the strangest thing. He opened his eyes to find he was in a small, cramped, space. Three slits in the wall in front of him showed the only light. _Not again... _He couldn't remember how he had happened to be where he was, he had a headache, other aches, and what little light he saw stung. Maybe he was in a closet. It wouldn't be the first time.

He was standing up. So he figured the light must be where the door was. He braced himself and rammed his shoulder into it. A strange sound reverberated through the door and around him.He held out a hand to still it and found the surface was cold and smooth- a metal of some sort.

"OW!" Jack jumped and struggled to turn around. He was blocking most of the light out, but could just identify the familiar face."Bootstrap? Bill Turner?"

"You need to cut down on the rum. Urgh!" he said in response trying to wave Jack's fragrant breath away in what little space there was between them. Jack narrowed his eyes and stuck out his tongue trying to rid himself of Bootstrap's breath, "Rotting fish isn't the most pleasing smell either. At least rum is edible."

"No argument there..." said Bootstrap sighing,"Where are we anyway?" Jack shrugged and a sharp something attacked his shoulder. "ARRGH! "

"SCREEEECH! RAWR!GROWLER!"

BOOM! "HISSS!"

Bootstrap tried to figure out what was going on. Jack was being attacked and swatting and elbowing and unfortunately there wasn't much room for him to do it. "Oy, watch where you're swinging-I'm in here too you know. Ooff!"

"I want to shoot that MONKEY!"

"Jack?"

"Wha-Ouch! That's not fair you have teeee-ack!" Jack jabbed at it with his elbow. "You got me!"

"Sorry..." said Jack apologetically, "FRASTERA!"

"Didn't catch that."

"I want to shoot it!"he said through clenched teeth accidently slapping Bootstrap in the face. "Sorry, sorry!"

"Not in here you're not! I might not be pretty, but-YOWL!" Bootstrap yelped. That was it. "Get that monkey!"

Frenzied, frantic, swatting, jabbing, kicking, pulling, shouting and mild cursing made the little space very unpleasant as one fishy and one rum soaked tried to catch the monkey.Screeching, hair yanking, biting and tail whipping was given to them by the furry thing. Did I mention hairballs? Oh, and poking and spitting, and scratching and-

"Stop enjoying this!" shouted Jack at the writer who controlled his fate. Sorry, Jack I will. Maybe. Later. "Now would be the opportune-ooffda!" Okay, okay! Bootstrap caught the Monkey Jack by the tail and Jack searched around the bottom of the small, metal room for something to subdue the madly attacking, anger troubled simian.His fingers grasped the familar feeling of a smooth glass bottle.

Hopefully, he brought it up, uncorked it and recognized the smell of the familiar fermented molasses drink. "Ha!" Jack slowly brought it to his lips, adjusted his hand to tilt it up and-nothing. "Why is the-No, I'm not saying that!" Work with me here. It's one of your quotes.

"I don't want to quote myself!" said Jack irritably searching for the missing rum bottle. Bootstrap who was sufficiently squished cleared his throat and tilted his head in the monkey's direction. Jack yanked it away from the monkey. "Give it here-" Jack crashed into the door behind him as the monkey let go, "-you eviscerated simian! HA! "

The monkey hiccupped and Jack held up the empty bottle. Bootstrap sighed, "I don't even know why I'm here." Jack moaned and shot the Monkey Jack a look that would kill-if it hadn't been undead. He sadly looked at the bottle again. Slowly, but surely it was refilling itself. Jack swallowed the whole thing and when he resurfaced, "An everlasting supply of rum!"

"Brilliant. The rear end of a monkey, my fishiness, and your rum. It's Tortuga all over again."

"I remember that." grinned Jack. Bootstrap frowned, "I don't want to."

"Everlasting Rum?" Jack offered taking the monkey from him and tossing him the steadily refilling bottle.Bootstrap caught it and held it up, "To-"He watched Jack poke the now giggling monkey. After pausing to think why it was giggling he concluded his toast "-to getting out of here." A bell rang.

A blinding light, Jack yelling "Whoa!" falling backwards, a monkey flying through the air and Bootstrap realized the door had been opened. He stepped out. Children were everywhere gawking as a pirate and a monkey tried to reorient themselves. A small tentacled, slimy little figure, with a really nice barnacled hat, stood horrified in front of his locker. Bootstrap whirled around and saw that taped to the metal door was "Lil' Davy Jones".

Jack swayed unsteadily to his feet and looked at all three signs he saw, then at three Bootstraps, concluding that it was probably the new ache in his head and not more supernatural phenomenon he waved it off. "I am not!" he insisted. "But that-" He pointed out the recently vacant locker out to Bootstrap. "-wasn't what I'd been expecting it to be."

Ignoring the giggling monkey who was now sitting on his hatted head, he swooped up the Everlasting Rum Bottle, and thrust it into Lil' Davy's hands-er-hand and claw. "I believe-that-is-yours..." He sat down. "I need to stop falling out of things..." He noticed the giggling monkey on his head. "You! On me head! Make a note of that!" He looked up at the silent Davy. "You three are short. When did you get so short,eh? You-you used to be-oh I don't know-this tall!" Jack waved his hands way above the monkey on his head.

Zzt!Zzt! The school's intercom crackled with static, "David Jones! Please report to Principal's office. The security guards will escort you."

Two security guards wearing the school's colors green and blue on their jackets seized him by the shoulders. They were tall and stereotypically muscular. "Nooooo! What are the charges?What are the charges?"

"Two counts of kidnapping, animal abuse,misuse of school property, and minor in possession of alcohol." grunted the one to his left.

"Wha...No, wait I dropped my choco-cookie chest-wait! Wait! Waaaaait!" The giggling monkey hopped off Jack's head, rolled the Everlasting Rum Bottle back into Davy's locker and shut the door with a loud slam. BAM!

Jack sat up with a start in the sand, blinking his eyes and making sure there were no giggling monkeys. There were none. "Thank you!"

You're welcome, Jack.

* * *

Note: If you've read Chocolate Cauldrons then you know when my cousin and I get together we come up with some strange things. This one was inspired by a story we made up on the 4th of July last year while walking up a hill to watch fireworks. 


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